Some beautifully written works have come out of the Vatican over the past 20 years celebrating the feminine genius.  This is necessary, no doubt, to counteract the confusion of the sexual revolution and the radical fringe of the feminist movement.

It’s also to reaffirm the Church’s reverence for womankind amidst complaints that we do not, and will not, ordain women.  These works have rightly celebrated the crowning jewel of creation!  But as a man, I can’t help but feel a little left out…

Where is the papal “Letter to Men,” or an encyclical “On the Dignity and Vocation of Men”? Perhaps it’s assumed that one is not needed since so much has been written on the priesthood, but that is not the vocation of the overwhelming majority of us, and amidst a growing crisis in masculine identity, work is needed in this area now more than ever.

Over the years working for women’s rights, we’ve blurred the lines between equality (a good thing) and similarity (a bad thing) of the sexes, completely forgetting complementarity.  In the wake of all this, men are experiencing an identity crisis.

Society is forgetting how to celebrate and form the natural tendencies of a boy—his impulse to explore, provide, defend and lead.  Perhaps these tendencies are due, in part, to the fact that in an 8-week-old male fetus a surge of testosterone begins to kill off cells in the communication center of the brain (does that explain a few things?) while strengthening the areas devoted to sex and aggression.  This isn’t bad, it’s just us.  Man’s nature doesn’t need to be blunted, but guided.  My son’s hand itches for a sword, not a doll.  It’s my job to ensure he grows into a knight rather than a barbarian.  Without proper guidance, he could end up like the hordes of college-age men whose misguided souls seek the adventures of partying and promiscuity rather than noble pursuits and heroism. Men are forgetting how badly they are needed to be spiritual and moral leaders at home and in the world.  All too often we are content to leave that job solely to women.  According to an ABC News poll, almost 25 percent more Catholic women attend weekly Mass than men, faring far worse than Protestants who only see an 8 percent gap.

And there is the notion, propagated by the growing number of artificially inseminated Hollywood stars, that the role of a husband and father isn’t all that important, and is no longer even necessary to carry on the human race.  Men seem to be buying that message.  An MSNBC survey revealed that 28 percent of men have cheated.  They are also unfaithful to their children in increasing numbers.  According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, 34.5 percent of U.S. children live apart from their biological father and 40 percent of them haven’t seen him for a year.  Those children are two to three times more likely to use drugs, fail at school, have emotional and health problems, become victims of child abuse, and experience poverty.  Children need faithful dads, and the world needs the witness of faithful husbands.  

I’m keenly aware of the awesome burden I bear as a husband and father.  Though I get to talk to teens about the love of God, I have to show my family his face, up close and personal, in a way that no one else can.  Like it or not, the fatherhood I show my children will constitute the way they see their heavenly Father.  The man I am will be the husband my girls seek.  The time I spend (or fail to spend) with them will form their sense of self worth.  My role as provider will provide their sense of safety.  The way I treat my wife will show them what love is.  And the love and honor I give to my wife will reveal to her the intimacy Christ longs to have with her.  I pray that I do well at showing them the face of God.  In one famous homily, St. Augustine referred to married men as “my fellow bishops” because of their weighty role in the spiritual formation of their families and the trajectory of society. There is a recent surge in desperately needed Catholic outreach to men.  Men can still be the pillars for their families and the world that God has called them to be, but only if we know God as bridegroom and father first.

Christopher Stefanick is the director of Youth, Young Adult and Campus Ministry for the Archdiocese of Denver as well as a speaker and author. We want to thank him for contributing to the MOJC site